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Hello. You landed at http://lilmissperfection.blogspot.com.au/ and you probably know that already. DON'T copy/rip/steal anything here, mess my tagboard with nonsense/spam (if you do I'll ban you. OR I WOULD MESS YOURS AS WELL >:-DDD) DO drop a tag, follow my blog, follow me on Twitter. Jokes, I don't have twitter:D ENJOY! Thanks much ;D |
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Lost
Sunday, March 28, 2010 @ 11:37 AM
Recently I have discovered something that I didn't notice until now. It might have happened a long time ago but I never realised. So many changes, but most of all, me. I realised that I'm no longer me. I've become an ordinary...girl. I never needed anyone, not someone to talk to or understand me. I was so good at hiding myself from others, nobody knew "me". There was a moment in time that I was afraid of the person I had become. I felt I was heartless, almost cruel, though now when I look back, it doesn't bother me. I liked the "me" then, back then I didn't have anyone's feelings to consider, and I was free to do as I pleased because I had nothing to lose, and I wasn't afraid to lose anything. It was just so easy, when you didn't care, I didn't need others but they needed me. The feeling was satisfactory. I felt life had been so easy. Though, that has changed. I'm not that person, I've become a girl, someone who can cry, I could never do so before no matter how hurt I was. Now, it just happens. And I don't like it. For once, I open myself completely, well as much as I could ever open up to another human being. And the nightmare begins. I actually need someone. I hate that feeling. It means I could be hurt and I have been hurt. This is not the life that I want. I want to not care, I want to not give a damn. But its too late now right? If I knew from the start that revealing myself would put me in the position to be hurt, believe me not in a million lifetimes would I have said the very first word to you. I miss the person I was, even if it was an outer bravado, I was strong and I liked it. I hate the feeling of being weak, it's just not who I am. And even if I have to force myself I will become the person I once was, someone who didn't have a worry in the world. I thought, finally I didn't have to walk the path of life by myself, that I had found a life long friend that would support me and let me reveal all and for once in my life be completely honest. I guess those types of friends don't exist, or I simply chose the wrong person. But right now, I'd much rather walk life alone. That way at least I won't be hurt. But be assured, I still want to have you as a friend, and I'm sure you will be there for me and care about me, but I will never reveal my true self again. For I have endured enough heart ache for a lifetime. All I want is peace, we will be friends, though the kind that waves and says "hi" when we see each other in the street. If it becomes more than that so be it and I will gratefully accept it, being good friends, but I will never be the person I was when I typed this. I deserve to be happy and I am sure you will be part of my happiness, but you will no longer define it. This I promise. xoxo Me. |