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it's a small world
Hello. You landed at http://lilmissperfection.blogspot.com.au/ and you probably know that already. DON'T copy/rip/steal anything here, mess my tagboard with nonsense/spam (if you do I'll ban you. OR I WOULD MESS YOURS AS WELL >:-DDD) DO drop a tag, follow my blog, follow me on Twitter. Jokes, I don't have twitter:D ENJOY! Thanks much ;D |
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Death’s diary
Wednesday, August 4, 2010 @ 8:59 PM
I wrote this post, well part of it a long time ago, I just never got the chance to finish it or put it up. So here goes... DON’T YOU JUST HATE LIFE? It’s a question I ask myself every day. And almost every day I answer myself – yes. Don’t you just get sick of life and everything that goes with it? I am. I’m sick of the commotion, of having to explain myself to people who not only don’t know me but couldn’t care less. I wish I could escape this horrible thing called life. I wish it would just end. And leave me in peace in death’s arms. Every day, I fight a war; I hover between life and death. I wonder if my existence even means anything to anyone. I don’t want to float through life, I want to be a part of someone’s happiness, change their life for the better and just be remembered. I want to let it all out, how much pain and suffering I feel. I wish I could, but I can’t. Doing so leaves me vulnerable, fragile and truthfully SCARED SHITLESS that I would get hurt. When I think back, there was always one person’s life that I was a part of. It gives me joy and uttermost happiness when you smile, laugh and enjoy yourself. Because it means that I’m not useless, that I affected your life. Maybe I don’t doubt you or how much you love me, but I doubt myself, if I’m worth it. Am I worthy of your love, for you to fuss over, care about, be angry at? You know, it’s so hard to catch you off guard, you’re always so calm and composed, but the look in your eyes as you were told I hurt my ankle and when I was crying over the loss of my ring, you were frightened, scared; not of me but because you didn’t know what to do. You were so concerned that for a minute your usual calmness flew out the window. It’s those times that I’m most confident that I mean something to at least one person. And even know, every time I think back to those moments I get back a little confidence and life becomes just that little bit easier to go through. But I wish, I wish this battle would end, that I would finally find the answer, that I’ll look forward to life again. And I hope that you will be a cause of my victory. If it ever comes. As for the rest of you, I wish I could tell you what’s wrong when you ask, how I really feel about things and what’s happening. However, I cannot bring myself to do so; I cannot subject myself to the possibility of being hurt; at least not now. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll get there.......someday. xoxo |