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Epiphany
Friday, August 13, 2010 @ 8:02 PM
Since the beginning of term once again my life has been a rollercoaster of emotions and so has everyone else. Everywhere I look; it seems there is someone upset about something. There seems to be no joy in life, before, even when I was unhappy, seeing others laugh and joining in with them became a good distraction, a way to distance myself from those thoughts until I was calm enough to deal with them head on. As I sit there in the moving car I begin to question it. Why am I unhappy? Is it because I want something and cannot have it? Or is it because I just want more of what I already have? To be perfectly honest I have absolutely no idea. What I do know is I feel stupid to dwell on negative feelings. I’m sick of always feeling sad and making my closest friends worries about me. They shouldn’t have to think about it and I shouldn’t have to either. I always knew life was never fair, I couldn’t have everything. But it never stopped me from chasing perfection. And success in other areas like academics cemented the thought that if I try hard enough I’ll reach it. But love, how much someone cares about you and friendship isn’t like a report – excuse the bad analogy – just because you put hours, days, months, years or sometimes a life time into it, doesn’t mean you’re going to get a good result, or one at all for that matter. I feel that instead of being unhappy for what I don’t have I should look at myself and be grateful for what I do have. I have a best friend that’s endured my rants and emotional rollercoaster’s and has been there to listen to me and slap me in the face when the situation called for it. I have a bunch of close friends that are caring and almost on call in case I decide to have a break down, I have someone that fully let me into their heart, loved me regardless of my flaws and made my life pretty darn close to perfection. I have an awesome mum that supports me in everything I choose to do – though it helps that the subjects I chose for next year are the ones she wanted :) and I have countless others that do not hesitate to run to my side if I needed them. Aside from that, my grades are to mine and my mum’s liking, I’m about to move into a new house that I absolutely love, I can play two instruments, swim and not to mention give Nico a run for his money at basketball – nah, I’m kidding, he’ll smash me. All in all, my life isn’t that bad and it’s time I woke up, concentrate on the good things, appreciate my friends a whole heap more, work hard at school, smile like a frikken retard, make a croquembouche- mmm yummy :), wish everyone who’s found happiness all the best as they hell as deserve it and just go with the flow. When the time is right, love and happiness will come knocking. Yep, that’s the epiphany of the day. Ahah. P.s. Hang in there you guys. And smile, you still got me, like you were there for me. Hehe. xoxo LilMiSsPeRfEcTiOn |