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Hello. You landed at http://lilmissperfection.blogspot.com.au/ and you probably know that already. DON'T copy/rip/steal anything here, mess my tagboard with nonsense/spam (if you do I'll ban you. OR I WOULD MESS YOURS AS WELL >:-DDD) DO drop a tag, follow my blog, follow me on Twitter. Jokes, I don't have twitter:D ENJOY! Thanks much ;D |
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Wednesday, August 18, 2010 @ 6:14 PM
I never thought I would say this but, I want to move schools. – Will you support the weight of my world once more? This was my pm yesterday. In the past 48 hours so much has happened. It’s probably the longest 2days that I’ve endured. There were moments when I truly felt myself suffocating under the weight of my crumbling world and there were glimpses of sunshine through the dark clouds. I have to admit I don’t feel like I’m suffocating anymore but I wouldn’t say I’m happy as hell. There are just some things I want to say to people so here goes. 1. You. You surprise me with how much you notice. To me you’re like the kind person who’d help someone pick up their things when they trip. I’m grateful that you of all people sensed that I was unhappy and held out a hand. Sitting next to you, I can’t help but feel the warm and energy that radiates from you. You always treat me well and make me smile. There is never pressure spending time with you, everything seems smooth and effortless. Thank you for your kind gesture. 2. I wanted to say this to you before but never got the chance. See, I don’t know you that well but I admire you. You seem so carefree and happy, looking at you I wonder if there will be a day I find that sort of happiness. I believe you deserve all you are getting which makes looking at it unbearable. What I don’t understand is why, did you change do suddenly, you know your change is the real reason my last 2 days have been horrible, because as soon as you changed I felt others did too. But I guess I assumed wrongly, and I’m glad it has been resolved. I wish you all the happiness in the world because you hell as deserve it. 3. You’re a mystery to me, I believe you mean well but I don’t feel I would ever be able to let you in. I’ve become accustomed to draw up barriers at any sign of fear and potential hurt and I sense that you do too. Maybe that’s the only problem with us. Nevertheless I find you compelling, understanding, caring and a great friend. I just hope we can get to know each other without those barriers and one day we can let each other in. 4. I love you. You know that right? I feel the nature of our relationship is changing, for the better. We were selfish. But now I feel satisfaction in seeing you happy and I guess that’s enough. I guess I didn’t know how to believe in you, but as our relationship becomes intangible I’ve learnt to trust you and myself even more. Someone once asked if I miss you. I would answer yes, I miss always being around you and doing things with you but I don’t miss YOU because to miss something or someone we must not have them in our possession. I never lost you so therefore I can’t miss you. From you I’ve learnt so much. I’ve learnt to forgive and overlook things because I know I would do the same. The more it seems, that our relationship becomes intangible the stronger our bond becomes and the calmer we are with each other. I just hope that you and I will recover from our own wounds and wounds we caused to each other and as a result we will become closer and more truthful with each other. 5. I don’t know how much of this I mean. I don’t understand you at all. And I don’t understand why I would let myself be hurt because of you. I tried to show you that I’m there but when I do you decide to turn away. It’s not like I don’t care about you but there are so many things that go wrong in people’s lives. Ask yourself, do I really look perfect? If I were prefect why did I let my bond with someone l cared about so much to strain to breaking point? If I were perfect then why do I constantly feel like no one understands me? If I’m perfect why did – not chose me? If I were perfect why did my own father chose someone over me? Can’t answer it? Then don’t pretend that you know anything about me. Instead of turning away and talking to others and adding to my growing list of problems have you ever thought of asking me? NO? You frustrate me to my wits end. Like I said it’s not like I don’t care about you, I do but there comes a point when you just can’t give a damn anymore, when you’re so pissed off that you want to be rid of something coz you think it will be better than trying to solve it. That’s how I feel. If you considered me as a friend then voice your problems, comments and anything else to me, not someone else. If you still don’t want to let me warn you, I’m at my wits end and anymore frustration is gonna drive me insane. Someone told me to talk it out. This is me trying and you need to get up off your arse and do something if you give a damn. That’s putting it bluntly. xoxo |