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My Stupidity
Monday, July 26, 2010 @ 8:35 PM
It's so hypocritical, I tell you that you should cherish me as i won't always be in your life. I never thought you treated me the way i deserved. Even though I've since understood your perspective, only now do i truly see the extent of my actions. All along, it was probably I who didn't value you. Sure i loved you with all my heart and never wanted to lose you. Though i took you and your feelings for granted. I complained, demanded, expected that you always pit me before the world. I know that i was stupid in doing so and whether it was subconsciously or not doesn't matter. It was my fault. I became greedy and just wanted More and more of your love. But when i look at it now, i had all i needed. In everything i do now, one fact is clear, nobody is going to ever love me as much as you did and I'm sure still do. It is I who is the true loser. I had all i wanted, a friend who loved me to an extent that it hurt doing so, someone who wouldn't think twice to take a bullet for me, someone who put up with my insecurities, my stubborn nature and my continuous ranting of my sucky life, someone who told me he wouldn't stop loving me because i was imperfect, ... someone who cried for me. But i, with the stupidity of this realisation now, hurt the person I loved most and pushed you away from me. You were the only one who understood me, knew what it took to make me happy and forgave me for the way i act when I'm upset. Maybe it was I who didn't deserve you. Along with this realisation is one of the fact that i know I'll never lose you and just knowing that you'll love me and catch me when I fall is enough. PS. Could you get there before i fall down the stairs next time? xoxo -plenty of love- LilMiSsPeRfEcTiOn Silence.
Sunday, July 4, 2010 @ 5:18 PM
Silence. “Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as Time.” I used to be afraid of silences. When our conversations become silent, it was almost unbearable. My mind would wonder and I would find myself asking what are you thinking? Why aren’t you talking? And my insecurities would be recounted before my eyes. Silence is a conversation expressed beyond words. I never understood that until I met you. When we walk, speech isn’t necessary. The silence that I was afraid of, that I couldn’t bear suddenly became a comfortable retreat. My mind was at peace, the wondering thoughts and insecurities I felt were diminished with your presence as well as the relieving silence that came with it. But now that had changed. Today, I find myself thinking about the horrible thoughts I believed I was free of. The truth was far from it. Silence was once again my enemy. The feeling of annoyance rises up in me, I can’t seem to think straight and my problems don’t seem to be resolved. For once, I just want you all to disappear; I want to escape from this world of misery. Why does it happen every time? Just when my life gets better, when I’m happy, it all comes crashing down. I’m sick of it, sick of dealing with rollercoasters of emotions, sick of trying to control my life and most of all sick of just being around and sick of waiting for you to turn around and hopefully see me, why do I have to be the one to wait? What did I do to deserve this? Truthfully I’m sick of it all. Take it whichever way you will. I couldn’t care less. xoxo -proudly god- LilMiSsPeRfEcTiOn |