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I'm a bitch
Friday, March 25, 2011 @ 8:57 PM
My blog is dead. Yeah. That's my first thought. So lets start with a happy note, coz i have a feeling this is gonna be one hell of a depressed post. Yesterday was my best firend, Rutuja's 16th birthday. HAPPY FRIKKEN BE LATED BIRTHDAY HONEYY!!! Well i was crazy so i stayed up until 12am so i could be the first to send her a bday text. Yeah, something is seriously wrong with me. I guess that's what sefton does to you. Then, after another horrible day at school and upon learning that Rutuja's sweet sixteen was far from it i took refuge in a deep slumber. No kidding as soon as my head hit the pillow for a nap i was snoozing off. So much so that i slept through until 9:30pm and couldn't call Rutuja. Then started my quest to track down stuff in preperation for the next person on the bday roster whom i shall not name coz all invovled know who it is. Which brings me to sitting in front of a tv at 3am reading Emma. I know, of all the things i could have been doing, i was reading Emma. Well its mainly coz it was hw but yeah. I swear I'm really moody these days, and i guess that goes for most people. Maybe its the cocktail of hormones we produce as teenagers or we're just all messed up in the head. Beats me, but i was snapping at everyone. Like tiniest thing could provoke me chuck as spaz at someone. I dunno, maybe i'm just a bitch. I know everyone's life sucks right now, but in that moment, all i can think about it my best friend is having a hard time at home her brother is in hospital, and we have less than 30mins a week to talk, and one of my closest friends is battling depression, and my grades feel like they've hit rock bottom and practically nobody wants to hear from me or so it seems, and when you piss the crap outta me all i wanna say is just get out of my face and find someone else to annoy coz if you stay a second longer i might jsut bite off ur head. I mean, I'm so sick of my life that i'm afraid to call my friend and ask her how she is, because i'm afraid if i reach out to her,and can't be there definately, i might add to the problem. That's the other reason i think im a bitch, coz somewhere deep down, i'm kinda glad i don't have to deal with her problems on top of my own. So if i'm afriad to do so for one of my best firends, what makes you think i wanna stand there and put up with you. Yeah, so i'm a moody bitch who can't be supportive for her friend and if you go near me i might bite ur head off too. So beware and stay firkken away. Its not like its the first time someone's walked into my life, make it seem like they're my everything and then waltzed right out like nothing happened. So here's the warning, stay out before you have to run out, it'll save you and me a whole lot of trouble. See? Like i said, moody bitch. Note: You doesn't refer to anyone in particular, just anyone who i've been pissed off at in the past couple of days. xoxo The recognition
Saturday, March 12, 2011 @ 10:13 PM
Do you sometimes just sit there. Lost in thought. Actually, you’re not really thinking about something. Actually you don’t want to think about anything. But you are, you’re wondering, what now? What will happen? If anything. Will I like it? Will it be a good thing? Or something that I’d wish would never happen? And all of this, without even knowing what “it” is. Then, do find yourself wondering, for the hundredth time today, why people don’t understand you? If they ever wanted to understand you? And you see others and you wonder when you’ll too, find someone, someone that will understand you. Then you question, if that’s even possible, maybe because even you don’t understand yourself, or you’ve tried to let others understand you, only to be disappointed. And you just don’t have the heart to try again. Maybe you feel you just don’t deserve it? And you’d rather be alone. Then the recognition, you don’t want to be alone, it’s your worst fear, you think people don’t understand you because you didn’t really try that hard, you couldn’t tell them anything, because, you were afraid they’ll walk away and you’ll have no one. You’re afraid, afraid of getting hurt, afraid that you’ll be lost, afraid that you’d lose everything, when you’ve found it. You know, you could tell them, but who are you kidding? No one would listen, and even if they did, you’d be afraid to tell them. You miss it don’t you? That time, that place, the smiles, what you would now call random acts of kindness. Life is always better in hindsight. Finally, when everyone has gone to sleep, you sit there, hoping the darkness would swallow you, And you know, you can never go back. You’re alone. Alone. sorry
Monday, March 7, 2011 @ 9:53 PM
I'm so sorry for not blogging for the past few days. I was tired, sick, pms and i really couldn't be bothered to and i kinda had nothing to say. Anyway, so we're all currently fussing about maths, which btw i should be doing. But you dont want to hear about that. But hey, my life's a drag so yeah. So last night while i was really pissed off and annoyed not to mention sick, i had one of those i hate my life, i hate everything, dont talk to me, dont look at me, just disappear from my sight now moments. Haha. But i guess my mum knew how to fix my horrible mood. Yup, pancakes, icecream and maple syrup at like 1030 did the trick. So after that i was okay and had a good sleep. Hehe. yummy. I have this thing i wanna blog about but i wont. Jsut coz i dont want ppl to know what it is, its nothing bad really. Okay. forget about that. I'm tired, that's all from me, I'm gonna go sell my shares now before we go broke, then we're not gonna be the debt collectors and we're gonna have them chasing us. so toddles. xoxo Finally a break
Thursday, March 3, 2011 @ 8:21 PM
So after a couple days of complete mayhem, today has been the first day in like forever that i felt like i could breathe. Lucy made me notice one thing today. Everyone is liked paired up in our group, its like couples or yet to be central. Haha. Dw lucy, there's still you and me. Lols. So now i can actually afford a couple minutes to watch bones, then contiue with my horrible or soon to be work load. Better get started early. Sigh, i need to talk to everyone, so much to catch up on, and i gotta go shopping, damn it i have no life. Wish list Actually as this goes on its getting hard for me to think of things that i want to talk about. Oh, i know i want the Castle box sets. That was easy enough. haha. xoxo More work, great.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011 @ 8:40 PM
Okay so physics assesment was a whore, we didn't even need all that stuff and i realised my textbook from home gave me literally everything i was gonna need. So i jsut wasted a heap of time on the interent reasearching. Now there will be a maths test next week, liekwise i will be annoyed and fail the bloody thing. I gotta catch up with so many people that I've lost track. I still needa call rutuja, then i gotta talk to howard, john, sally, linda, lung, carmen, melissa, nilasi , surabi, a couple others and the list goes on. Jesus, You know what im gonna find a day and just call all of them up and that's all im gonna do for that whole day. Hehe. Now i'm really tired and i still haev to do a stupid maths pass paper and that will be annoying. Great. Ugh. Wish list. Note: I love butterflies. They are so pretty, ever wondered why my fav present to date and fav piece of jewllery is a butterfly necklace with a lilach stone? Yeah, buterflies and Lilach. xoxo Fireworks
Tuesday, March 1, 2011 @ 10:44 PM
I finished my firkken physics and it's not even 10:30pm. Suck that bitches. Okay, im fine. Now imma go sleep before i die. Good luck ppl who are still doing physics. Get some sleep! Or you'll be as grumpy and pyschotic as me. xoxo I'm gonna be so happy when this is over....
Okay, i'm determined to get some shut eye today so this is gonna be really quick and im gonna type like a fricken psychopathic killer in a hurry. Yeah, I've been watching bones again so yeah everything i talk about is gonna be about killing people and hacking them to pieces. Which is really tempting right now, especially those who make me do this stupid Physics assessment. Anyhow, I have so much shit to do and i cant wait till holidays, and far out there's more people's bdays' coming up and like i havent even had time to go buy Winnie's yet. Which reminds me all my vouchers for angus are gonna run out in April so i have take a trip to the book shop. Which means my wallet is gonna be so much lighter. And i haevnt finished 5 of the 6 books i bought in the holidays yet. One of my joys in life taken away coz of stupid school work, and today i really wanted it to rain so i could go home and do more work. Yup, i've concluded that i have no life. haha Wish list This doesn't count coz im not in my right mind so yeah. I need: a really tasty cup of coffee, a comfy guy/girl/bed to lean/lay on and sleep, rutuja to talk to me and i need a hug, oh oh and some ice cream. Yummy. Which reminds me: okay this part counts: Ice cream flavours i love: Chocolate fudge Honey chocolate nougat Tiramisu Green Tea Taro xoxo |